Small Steps to Big Change

Making Big Change Easier

This article has been reprinted from DailyOM.

When we decide that it's time for big changes in our lives, it is wise to ease into them by starting small. Small changes allow us to grow into a new habit and make it a permanent part of our lives, whereas sudden changes may cause a sense of failure that makes it difficult to go on, and we are more likely to revert to our old ways. Even if we have gone that route and find ourselves contemplating the choice to start over again, we can decide to take it slowly this time, and move forward.

Sometimes the goals we set for ourselves are merely indicators of the need for change and are useful in getting us moving in the right direction. But it is possible that once we try out what seemed so ideal, we may find that it doesn’t actually suit us, or make us feel the way we had hoped. By embarking on the path slowly, we have the chance to look around and consider other options as we learn and grow. We have time to examine the underlying values of the desire for change and find ways to manifest those feelings, whether it looks exactly like our initial goal or not. Taking small steps forward gives us time to adjust and find secure footing on our new path.

Life doesn't always give us the opportunity to anticipate or prepare for a big change, and we may find ourselves overwhelmed by what is in front of us. By choosing one thing to work on at a time, we focus our attention on something manageable, and eventually we will look up to see that we have accomplished quite a bit. Forcing change is, in essence, a sign that we do not trust the universe’s wisdom. Instead, we can listen to our inner guidance and make changes at a pace that is right for us, ensuring that we do so in alignment with the rhythm of the universe.

What do you think?

The OM-Tip

A friend of mine who was a major catalyst in my mental "makeover", Kristy Iris, is a feng shui practioner and has a website www.fizom.com and newsletter. The day I wrote this issue's "Visions" Musings, I received her newsletter and thought one of her articles complemented it:

"Om is a universal sound. It brings peace and balance. And that is what we seek here. How to live a life that is fully expressing your most authentic self? This is about finding the balance of your inner world - the om and the outer world- the fiz.

Life may be a bit bumpy at times. You may be laughing that this is an understatement- bumpy like an avalanche.
Hold on.
Know that this too shall pass.
It's all an illusion.
Try thinking of your life as a show of what your inner self needs to experience. Look back- haven't you found that often what seemed like the most heartbreaking, end of the world as you know it situation, turned out to be the biggest gift for you? It was a defining moment in your life. It's just that when you are in the middle of the "show", and you are putting on an award winning performance, as all your players are, it's a little difficult to really remember it's all a show.
Can you enjoy the show? Can you laugh at the plot line? Can you giggle at how well the drama was written? How will you, the star of the show turn it all around and into a happy ending?
Think about it. Write out your happy ending.
You know, you are also the playwright. You can create the happily ever after you desire.
And- you deserve it!

Dr. Phil Sez

Sometimes, when we find our lives spiraling out of control, we turn our anger on others. But, is that really how you want to behave? Is your anger making your life more difficult, interfering with your relationships, causing you chronic unhappiness?

Dr. Phil gives the following suggestions:

Define your payoffs, then cut them out. You're getting something from your behavior, or else you wouldn't do it. Work on gaining confidence—low self-esteem and pent up guilt gives you an excuse to sit on the sidelines. It gives you an excuse to be less than you can be.

Behave your way to success. Your past easily becomes your future because what you fear, you create. If you feel deprived of some experience, or emotion from some one else, give yourself emotional closure. Give yourself what you didn't get from someone else now. Create what you want out of life. If you want to be loved, be loveable. If you want to get your family interested in your life, get interested in their lives.

You choose your behavior; you chose the consequences. You are an adult now and you need to take responsibility for your actions. You can't blame your family anymore. You are old enough to do something about your feelings. Your family can't take this on. The greatest stress in life is to hold someone else accountable for something they can't control. The only person you control is you.

It all comes back to the life law statement, "You've got to name it before you can claim it." If you are stuck in an unsatisfying life, ask yourself what would make you happy? Write out what you need to hear from your family that you've never heard before. Be very specific. Give your list to your family. Ask them to read it, consider it and respond. Open your heart, put the spirit of criticism aside. Be ready to do the same for your family.

Ending The Cycle

This was originally printed in the June 5, 2008 DailyOM and we thought it a fitting compliment to the newsletter:

Ending The Cycle
Start Today

One of the hardest things in life is feeling stuck in a situation that we don’t like and want to change. We may have exhausted ourselves trying to figure out how to make change, and we may even have given up. However, each day offers us an opportunity to renew our resolve and to declare to the universe that we are ready for change. We may even say out loud that we have tried and struggled and have not found a way, but that we are open to help, and that we intend to keep working to create change for ourselves. Making this declaration to the universe, and to ourselves, may be just the remedy for the stagnation we are experiencing. And, it can be done today, right now.

It is difficult to understand, even with hindsight, how the choices we have made have added up to our current situation, but it is a good idea to examine the story we tell ourselves. If we tend to regard ourselves as having failed, this will block our ability to allow ourselves to succeed. We have the power to change the story we tell ourselves by acknowledging that in the past, we did our best, and we exhibited many positive qualities, and had many fine moments on our path to the present moment. We can also recognize that we have learned from our experiences, and that this will help us with our current choices.

When we do this kind of work on how we view our past self, we make it possible for the future to be based on a positive self-assessment. This inner shift may allow us to get out of the cycle we’ve been in that’s been keeping us stuck. Now we can declare our intentions to the universe, knowing that we have done the inner work necessary to allow our lives to change. Allow today to be the day to end cycles and enter into a new way of being.

Underneath The Noise-Hearing the Whisper

Reprinted from DailyOM.

You may have noticed that if you want to speak to someone in a noisy, crowded room, the best thing to do is lean close and whisper. Yelling in an attempt to be louder than the room’s noise generally only hurts your throat and adds to the chaos. Similarly, that still, small voice within each of us does not try to compete with the mental chatter on the surface of our minds, nor does it attempt to overpower the volume of the raucous world outside. If we want to hear it, no matter what is going on around us or even inside us, we can always tune in to that soft voice underneath the surrounding noise.

It is generally true that the more insistent voices in our heads delivering messages that make us feel panicky or afraid are of questionable authority. They may be voices we internalized from childhood or from the culture, and as such they possess only half-truths. Their urgency stems from their disconnectedness from the center of our being, and their urgency is what catches our attention. The other voice that whispers reassurances that everything is fundamentally okay simply delivers its message with quiet confidence. Once we hear it, we know it speaks the truth. Generally, once we have heard what it has to say, a powerful sense of calm settles over our entire being, and the other voices and sounds, once so dominant, fade into the background, suddenly seeming small and far away.

We may find that our own communications in the world begin to be influenced by the quiet certainty of this voice. We may be less inclined to indulge in idle chatter as we become more interested in maintaining our connection to the whisper of truth that broadcasts its message like the sound of the wind shaking the leaves of a tree. As we align ourselves more with this quiet confidence, we become an extension of the whisper, penetrating the noise of the world and creating more peace, trust, and confidence.

Mental Prisons

I get a daily email entitled ''Insight of the Day". On July 14th, I received the following which I thought was a complement to our "Visions" article "Are You Afraid To Be Happy?"

Mental Prisons

"Some time ago I did a show on Habits. They play an important role in your life. Like many aspects of your life, habits can be considered both a blessing and a curse. Robert Russell in his magnificent little book "You Try It" wrote that habit was God's way of making good automatic in your life.

I had a wonderful friend in Atlanta, the late Dr. Jay Dishman, who wrote an excellent article about habit in his monthly newsletter dated February 1985. I have shared Dr. Dishman's article with thousands of people around the world. Today I want to share it with you. Here goes!

"Recently I visited Alcatraz Prison. Once it housed the most hardened of criminals. Today it is open to tourists under the direction of the United States Parks Department. Many men have tried to escape Alcatraz; no one is known to have succeeded. As I listened to the tour guide explain the impossibility of escape, I thought of other prisons equally confining but where the doors are never locked, no guards walk the halls, and escape is encouraged and possible. That prison is Habit."

Our habit is thinking about ourselves and our environment as a jail or a paradise. We need but to look around us to see people who are rich emotionally and materially because they think and feel rich. We also see people who are laden with emotional and material debt because they think lack. Some are inspired with vision, others are encumbered with doubt. Some are moved by ambition, others feel safer in monotony. Some reach for the mountain tops, others huddle in the pits. Some seek opportunity, others wait for it to knock. The sad fact is that more people are confined by their thoughts than are fed by them.

Negative thinking shuts us in a prison, but there is a way out. The apostle Paul said, "Be transformed by the renewal of your mind." Paul knew a lot about prisons, both physical and mental. You renew your life by renewing your mind. You renew your mind when you change your habit of thinking.

Dr. Jay Dishman helped thousands change their habit of thinking in his lifetime. Now hopefully he has helped you."

Bob Proctor

Bob Proctor is a speaker, personal success coach and author of the best selling book "You Were Born Rich."

9 Ways To Get More Out of Your Day

In our newsletter, "Visions" we started an article by Mary Guarino, Ph.D that I saw printed in SparkPeople.com. If you would like a copy of "Visions" please email us or go to our website and sign up.

To continue the article:

• "Set aside a certain amount of time each day just to do what you want to do. How about 1 hour each day? If that’s not “possible,” start with smaller increments of time, say 15 minutes, and work your way up.
• Doing part of something is better than doing nothing. Even if you can’t complete a task or a project, it is better to take a small “chunk” out of it rather than letting the whole thing slide until later. If you absolutely “hate” working in that manner, then just make sure you set aside a specific time to complete the entire task or project.
• Learn to say “No.” This isn’t always easy, but it can make a world of difference. Even if you don’t want to say “No” completely, try to set limits around how much you will do and when.
• Bundle your tasks. Save up non-urgent errands so that you can do those that are logistically close to one another.
• Delegate. How much is your time worth? It may be worth the cost of hiring someone to do things like mow your lawn, clean your house, AND you will be purchasing the precious commodity of time. It’s more than okay to ask for help.
• Do the yucky stuff first. Take care of the tasks that you dislike so that you don’t waste precious mental time ruminating about not having done them!
• Are the things you feel you “have” to do really necessary? It can be easy to get caught up in the details to the detriment of the big picture.
• Take an honest look at the activities and people in your life that are “energy drainers.” Do they need to be part of your life? What would happen if you eliminated or reduced your time spent on/with them?
• And, most importantly, set aside time each week to do something special. Make sure that, no matter how busy you are, you take time to play. Spending time with friends, outdoors, at the movies, whatever makes you happy, is essential in helping you be the most focused and effective you can be with your time."

A Reason, A Season or A Lifetime

I am sure that all of us have look around one day and thought, "I wonder whatever happened to...?" because people come and go in our lives all the time.


When I was first widowed in 2000, I found an online support group that was a tremendous help to me in a time of emotional distress. A group of us actually met face to face and some us us formed a bond through our grief. But the farther along we progressed in our journey, the less we had in common. Our lives went in different directions and I was the first to remarry. We found that we no longer had a reason to spend time together and we all went our separate ways. We were all there for each other in our time of need, but no longer had a compelling reason to continue those relationships.

Then, there are work friends. You have lunch together, go out for drinks on occasion or maybe play golf or softball with them. And when you leave that job, you really believe that you will keep in touch, but honestly the thing that bound you together no longer exists and you drift away from those relationships. Those are people who are in your life for a season.

And last but not least, there is THE FAMILY. I emphasise this because it is the most complex and puzzling relationship of all.


First we have our parents, who hopefully gave us a solid foundation and the tools to become productive human beings. Their impact is with us for a lifetime.


Marriage is supposed to be for a lifetime and even if that is not the case, the impact lasts forever. I was happily married to my late husband for 12 years, and that helped shape me into the person I am today. It is also that experience that has enabled me to have a happy and sucessful relationship with my current husband. Now, he was married twice before he met me. He has one child from his first marriage. When he remarried, his daughter gained a new set of aunts, uncles, cousins and a set of step-grandparents. They were her family for five years and when that marriage ended, their relationship with this young woman ended as well. An entire family walked away as if she never existed.

What about the siblings who have a falling out and then begin dragging up every thing you ever did to them going back to puberty. Are they looking for an excuse to distance themselves from you? Who knows.

I remember when my late husband needed a bone marrow transplant, and I asked his siblings to be tested to see if they would be a match. Rather than the answer that I expected to hear, which would be "Of course, I will do it right away," his sister said that she would have to think about it because her brother used to hold her under water in the backyard swimming pool when they were kids. Are you kidding me?

Relationships of all kinds serve a purpose in our lives, even when they are complicated and not very fulfilling. With every experience, we learn and we grow, even if we don't understand.

It is said that people are in our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. To read about exactly what that means, please go to our newsletter. It may help to put things into perspective.

Conquering Chaos

Is your social calendar filling up faster than you can say Barbecue? Have you been trying to figure out how you are going to fulfill all your family, career and social obligations without running yourself ragged? Well, you are not alone.

In the month of May, I don't have one weekend day without an obligation that takes me away from home. And that doesn't include all the weekday evening additions to my calendar that keep me busy. So, how do you get everything accomplished without making yourself crazy? Here are some suggestions:

Utilize the KISS philosophy - Keep It Simple Stupid.

Use a crock pot or take a page from Rachel Ray's 30 minute meals to provide simple yet nourishing dinners for your family.

Make a list - keep your planner handy and use lists to make sure that you have everything overed.

Take advantage of the Internet for shopping. Gift cards are another way to simplify.

Car pool whenever you can. Have parents alternate driving obligations to games, parties and sporting events.

Limit your participation - it is okay to say NO when you really don't have the time or desire to attend.

I recently received invitations to 2 weddings on the same day and accepted the invitation that I received first. When bridal shower invitations arrived for both brides, I chose to attend the shower for the bride whose wedding I was NOT attending, so I was able to participate in each in some fashion.

Bridal shower gifts were ordered, wrapped and delivered by using the gift registry on line. I will do the same with wedding gifts.

Take time to decompress. Book a massage or a pedicure or play a round of golf. Make sure that your wardrobe is cleaned and pressed and that your shoes are shined. Buy a few bottles of wine to bring as hostess gifts. Keep a few items in your pantry so you can throw together a simple appetizer, dip or dessert for that covered dish party.

Organization is the key. Just spending a few minutes each day to check your list, to make a quick phone call or to ask for help will make the difference between being frustrated and having fun.

Daily OM: The Journey Of Commitment

In our April15th newsletter "Visions", we discussed what this article meant to us. Here's the article in its entirety. To read our newsletter go to our website www.yournewworldcoaching.com and sign up for our newsletter and we'll send you the issue.

March 26, 2008
The Journey Of Commitment
Entering Into Commitment

Loving and committing to another person is a spiritual process whether that means a wedding or any other type of commitment ceremony. So often when we enter into a relationship we allow our emotions to lead us forward without thinking more deeply about what true commitment involves. If we can understand that sharing our lives with another person is not just based on love, but also on the hard work of being able to compromise and enter into a dialogue with them, then we are much more likely to find the key to having a successful relationship with our partners. So many people have not experienced a loving relationship between their own parents and therefore have no role model of what love should feel like or look like.

Many of us have been exposed to the idea that love should be romantic and sweep us off our feet. While this is a natural part of any relationship, the true test of our love comes from our willingness to explore this world with another person; to not only share in the delights that we encounter but also to negotiate the bumps in the road together. Generally this often takes the form of a mutual exchange of ideas, but, because any relationship is based on the needs and experiences of two people, we might also face a certain amount of misunderstanding. Learning to be open and receptive to our partners and to treat their wants and ideas with respect can help us to navigate even the most difficult situations. One way to do this is to take a deep breath, holding our partner in a space of love, allowing ourselves to listen fully with our hearts to what they have to say. Should this become difficult to do, we can also turn toward people whose relationships we admire for advice or gu! idance. Knowing that there are resources out there to help us and being up for exploring them with our partner will only serve to deepen and strengthen our relationship.

Entering into a committed relationship is in fact a spiritual journey that we undertake with another person. By being able to love and care for someone else with an open heart, we will find that we can reach a greater level of personal transformation, evolving along our path and learning powerful lessons about ourselves that we might not otherwise be able to do on our own.

Book Discussion Group - Eat, Pray, Love

In this New York Times best selling novel by Elizabeth Gilbert, she sets off on a year - long journey following an exhausting divorce and post-marriage relationship breakup.

On WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 27th at 7:00 PM EST we are sponsoring a book discussion teleconference group.


Grab a cup of coffee or a glass of wine, settle into your favorite comfy chair and dial in. It's that easy!

For those of you who have not read the book, but would like to, it's as easy as clicking on the book icon to the left and Amazon.com will deliver it to your doorstep.

So, go ahead and mark the date in your calendar. And don't forget to post your comments to us here so we can forward you the teleconference information. Or email us at :info@YourNewWorldCoaching.com.

Check Us Out-We've Been Published!

If you check out the right hand side of the blog below our photos, you will notice a new icon that reads," Expert Ezine Articles Author."

That's because we recently had our first article published on EZINE - the electronic magazine. This is in addition to our previous publication thru iSnare, which picked us up in 2007. 

By clicking on the icon and typing one of our names or YourNewWorldCoaching into the search feature, you can access our article entitled "Alone Verses Lonely."

We are excited by this latest accomplishement and wanted to share it with you. Our goal is to publish articles on a regular basis, so please check back periodically to see our latest work.